Oddities of a Biological Anomaly

~ Thursday, February 23 ~
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So….-ap.. it’s good to wash with.

I got my wisdom tooth removed.. I’m happy, my prayer worked wonders.. what even the dentists said would prolly require surgery.. ended up being just what I wanted, a simple extraction, and to be honest, it barely hurts.. in fact, it doesn’t hurt at all, and I’m not on Vicodin atm.. I’m very very happy :) I was so worried!

And it was cheap! Only $160, didn’t bankrupt me.

I’m so happy :) I wish I had someone worthwhile to share it with, but I guess what I need to do is just use this happiness, exercise it, do stuff with it, if I’m so happy, I can do anything I want to and for myself, for my dog.. and that’s it really.. That’s all I need focus on.

I dunno if that makes me happy though.. but it’s what I have to work with.. Forward March! I get smarter every day, stronger every day, happier every day.

Momentum.. Inertia.. I’m gathering speed.. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikrIZYmUOUs


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~ Friday, February 17 ~
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Ah, Circuitous life.

Here I sit, listening to Metallica, Wherever I may roam, and I’m feeling a kinship to it..

a pull, memories.. the time I spent as a young teen listening to it, like it was yesterday, sitting in my bed in San Jose on my Ibook, jamming out to Metallica, writing emo things, dreaming of having a Girlfriend..

Here I sit, listening to Metallica, Dreaming of a Girl, Writing Emo Things..
Is this a productive use of my time?

No prolly not, but I can’t help it, I really had found something with a girl I haven’t even met, and then she disappeared, and though I’m cool, it’s life.. I want that in my life, I want her in my life :-/ But barring her, some other fascinating young woman in whom I can confide and channel my feelings will do.

I will find a girl soon, I’m pretty awesome, and I’m working on me, for me, to better myself so I can help better the world. Life is wonderful :)

but I don’t feel like leaving it at that, I’m sad. I need to go


~ Monday, February 6 ~
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So, I know.

And now things change.

*sigh* I wondered when the other shoe would drop


~ Thursday, February 2 ~
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Artemis came to me, a Silver Elf with Blue huntress markings and a big
white bear, I think the Big Bear..
She told me to listen, that I must overcome my misgivings and fears, I
must confront my shadow, my embodied angers and sadness, my
negativity. That’s what’s making me feel so ill, and the path to
feeling better is completing myself, continuing to flush away the
negativity.
I will dream, and I must listen, she told me.

Then she bid me adieu.
Hm.


~ Sunday, January 15 ~
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Hm

I feel so much hurt and hate, I’m scared and jealous…

I shouldn’t be.

I’m anxious and sad, depressed, and lone for touch..

I shouldn’t be that either.

I have to conquer it, control it, release it from me, it needn’t be there


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Dear girl who danced all night long with me and raped me with her eyes, I
wish I had talked to you, hope I see you again.

I want to dance with you again.


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~ Sunday, January 8 ~
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Knowledge in and of itself is a selfish goal, you help no one by
amassing knowledge yourself.
I must have a purpose, in life, the spirit world, to seek my answers,
I must go there for something. And I know what it is, I’ve always
known what it was.. to Illuminate, to be a light bringer, to help
whoever I can, teach as many people how to help themselves, and bring
positivity, yang to the world.

The Universe seeks balance, and it has called me.
If I am to go forward, if I am to make it where I need to be.

I must stop pursuing my own ends and think about.. everyone else, the
future, everything that ever existed or will exist.

Illuminate..

To Help, to Teach.

I am Strong, getting stronger
I am Smart, getting smarter
I am Capable, getting more so
I am Wise, knowing I’m foolish
I am Fast, getting faster
I Have Love, I will spread it
I know Happiness, I will introduce people
I have Hope, I will show it.
I am Light, I will Illuminate.

I realized my Spirit Guide, perhaps in full for the first time, kinda
taking the form I’ve unconsciously hoped he would.. a White/Silver
Lion with a great mane, blue-black eyes, his coat dappled in diamonds
that sparkle without light.. He’s huge, big enough to ride, and he
wears bracers on his fore and hind legs.

I can Channel him, he’s been with me for over a decade.
I’m glad to meet him like he is.
I’m humbled by him being there for me.


~ Tuesday, November 8 ~
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~ Monday, May 23 ~
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Can’t sleep

I hope I’m doing the right thing.